


Not Safe for Asahi

by akitkatbar



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Ennoshita is mother crow in training, Gen, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke are Bros, Prompt Fic, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, fourth wall breaks?, let yamaguchi sleep, teen boys acting like little shits, yamaguchi is hella tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akitkatbar/pseuds/akitkatbar
Summary: After this event, the Karasuno gym has been now declared to be a SFA (safe for Asahi) zone as well as a "no nutting zone".Let Yams sleep. The boy is tired.(Can be seen as a crack fic)





	Not Safe for Asahi

**Author's Note:**

> another prompt fic: "Do you ever look at your hand after you nut and just think 'I'm so disgusting'? I call it 'post-nut depression'." i shared this with my writing group when i was writing it, and some of the members teach middle/high schoolers and they said i've mostly tapped into overheard conversations from their students. i was proud. what an honor.
> 
> let yams sleep you fools.

Practice that day was rough, Coach Ukai going through some new drills and working on teamwork with the people that don’t usually like to… Namely Kageyama and Tsukishima. There was yelling involved, and when the practice started dying down, so did everyone else. Daichi and Suga, then Asahi, had collected the stray volleyballs strewn across the court, while Tanaka and Nishinoya had swept the floors.

Tanaka broke the silence that seemed to echo in the gymnasium. He called to Nishinoya as they cleaned up, waving to the smaller libero and striking up a conversation. They had shared the day’s experiences with watching over and protecting Kiyoko; as well as getting rejected by her from their shared advances. 

Hinata and the other first-years gathered together in their own group of sorts, not necessarily talking like their senpais, just _together_. As Kageyama proceeded to smack Hinata while calling him a dumbass for some mundane comment, Yamaguchi had chuckled and tried, very sluggishly, to intervene between the two. Tsukishima just rolled his eyes at their childish antics and drank from his water bottle. At that moment of passing boredom was when Tsukishima heard a certain conversation that as much as he’d like to deny being drawn to, he was insanely curious about the whole exchange.

“Bro, do you like ever, just _look at your hand_ after you nut and just… just like say to yourself, ‘I’m so gross’,” Tanaka for emphasis had raised his right balled-up fist near his face, looking at it with disdain and disgust. His face seemed impossibly scrunched up; it was painful to look at, Tsukishima decided.

Nishinoya seemed unfazed at the whole point that this specific topic of conversation was very “too much information” as by Suga’s account during their past inappropriate conversations. Even with this prior knowledge, he still replied. “Ryuu, bro, I totally get that. Like, all the damn _time_.”

Tsukishima, from the corner of the other group he was sitting with on the gym floor, had scooted discreetly closer to the standing second years. He had no idea where Tanaka was going with the topic, but wherever it _was_ going, it was going to be hilarious.

He watched Tanaka smile at his friend’s shared understanding. His smile only grew wider as he tried to hold back his laughter. “Bro… I call it a ‘post-nut depression’.”

That seemed to set off Tsukishima, as he couldn’t hold back a snicker when Nishinoya fell under the same smiling spell. Nishinoya himself had made a choked noise as he tried to cover his mouth from laughing (or coughing) up a lung, which caused Tsukishima to snort and in turn had caught the attention of a certain hyper orange-haired shrimpy.

“Uawhhhh! Stingy-shima, what’s so funny?” Hinata asked with a loud screech. Which, of course, caught the attention of Daichi and Suga. Asahi was curious enough too, watching Tsukishima and his two troublemaker teammates. 

While Noya and Tanaka continued with their boisterous laughter, Suga had approached Hinata. “Hinata, did Kageyama hit you too hard? What’s wrong?”

Before Hinata could respond, Tsukishima took the spotlight. “These two boneheads,” he threw a pointed look at them, “came up with a new term… _Definitely_ disregarding your ‘TMI rule’. Especially around this bonehead,” he looked down to Hinata, who in return stuck out his tongue with another added sound affect. Tsukishima glared.

Suga turned his focus to the second years, a frown deepened on his face and his arms crossed across his chest tightly. “You guys are horrible. What did you say Tanaka? Is it NSFA?”

Yamaguchi from his relaxed criss-cross position on the floor had finally tuned into the conversation. He asked Suga, “What’s ‘NSFA’?”

“It means ‘Not Safe for Asahi’,” Ennoshita added from across the court. “Kinoshita added it to our unofficial dictionary for Karasuno. Of fucking course they couldn’t help but say something perverted instead of following the rules.” 

Suga’s frown only deepened. He glared to Noya then to the taller boy, “I’m so disappointed with you! Noya, you should know this! Asahi is a precious guy! Tanaka, just one question for you,” Suga looked to Tsukishima, trying to figure out if he can read the snarky kid’s face, “What the fuck did you even say?”

Tsukishima interrupted quickly, “He said, and I quote, ‘post-nut depression’.”

Hinata cackled from behind the group, finding the whole phrase the funniest thing to be said together ever. Yamaguchi just stared incredulously at his standing teammates, the whole situation surreal. Kageyama was holding back a snicker, instead channelling the energy to calling Hinata a dumbass once again for an unknown reason.

Daichi joined into the space where the conversation was happening, getting very close to Suga for damage control. Ennoshita had moved from the other side of the gym to close the distance between him and his friends, ready to hold them back if anyone initiates something a bit more physical. He side-eyed Tanaka as he inched closer, knowing he would be the first person to initiate something.

“The mother crows have now moved closer to their chicks, wanting to protect them from their scary team parents,” Yamaguchi had narrated from the sidelines. “Suga-crow is now giving me a motherly death glare, but I do not succumb to his petty attempts to shut me up.”

Their team captain decided to end this whole event right there. “Okay, okay. I get it. Suga is upset ‘cause the troublemakers said something NSFA, completely disregarding the unsaid rules. Ennoshita has joined in for the sake of protecting his friends… No matter how much they deserve it,” Daichi and Ennoshita shared a nod, a mutual agreement that they _do_ deserve whatever punishment. 

“I declare today to have a new rule: this gym, or _any_ gym for that matter, is a no nutting zone. Tanaka and Nishinoya are to have to run laps and clean the gym when we’re completely done with practice tomorrow.” Daichi looked to the two boys, his face dark and intimidating. They both gulped, sweating under their captain’s glare. “Understand?”

“Yes sir!” They agreed, yelling a bit louder than acceptable for a mostly empty gym. 

“The father crow seems safer to approach after this confrontation, and mother crow is happy and cheery again. What happens next for this crow family? Tune in next time to find out,” Yamaguchi finished off his narration with finger guns and a wink to no one in particular. 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima questioned.

“Uh, nothing. Just tired, nothing outta the normal for a normal teenage boy.” Yamaguchi smiled, “To everyone watching, next week we discover Tsukki’s crush…”


End file.
